I Can’t Get Through Most Content — Even by Great Writers
“So I’m not trying to be a dick but…”
I can’t get through most content — even by great writers. I see listicles and go, “Oh great, another self-improvement article. Lemme guess ‘Five Teeny Tiny Ways to ___’”.
“Great. Another emotional intelligence article. Please tell me your MBTI bro. I have to know.”
Here’s the thing — I literally write those articles too. I am a hypocritical crank and a difficult reader. And while this might be bad for my quality of life, it’s helped me tremendously.
I occasionally give lectures at a local university for their marketing department. I discuss content creation and copywriting for students who want to avoid cubicle life.
At my last talk, a student in the front row raised her hand and asked, “What’s your best writing advice?”
“Nobody— gives— a— shit” I said.
There were a few chuckles. They thought I was joking.
I said, “No, seriously — take a look around the room right now.”
I held my hands wide with cynicism, gesturing to the entire class with that “are you not entertained” pose.
Around the room were heads on desks, and people swiping on Tinder. Others looked completely miserable with their chin resting on their palm. A few had completed their conversion to zombies. They moaned and shuffled out the door.
Don’t presume you are much better. A few of you are already nodding off.
The only difference between us and them? We are better at faking it.
Face to face, we nod and smile. We agree and say things like, “Oh yeah definitely! I tottttally agree.”
As soon as we are alone in our home, laying on the couch? The fucks leave the building.
Readers are goldfish
Consider this — on Medium — a 50% read rate on a five-minute article is considered an incredible performance, a potential home run.
50%.
On the most important article you ever write, your most vulnerable, honest, well-polished piece — half your audience bails out to go look at silicone booty closeups on Instagram.
If you were in the middle of a conversation or presentation — and half the people stood up, yawned, and walked away— you’d be pissed.
“Hey can you push pause on that thought. xXxSexyBarbiexXx just posted. My eyes are thirsty.”
People care about the children. They care about right and wrong. They pretend to care about social issues.
And they only care about your content to the extent that it entertains them.
A cynical view? Perhaps. But it’s the truth and you can use it to your advantage.
You are either telling a killer story, giving unique, useful information that hasn’t been repeated 10 billion times already, or your readers are peacing out, “It’s curtains, baby.”
And look, the web is full of kumbaya-you-could-be-Shakespeare writing tips. I love positivity and giving writers hope. But they need to understand how jaded most people are with reality.
Most people are on a desperate quest to avoid being bored.
I’m just telling you what I’d tell myself at the beginning of this journey: nobody gives a shit.
So do something about it.
How to create an article that people actually finish
When you start writing, be open and free. Be a happy butterfly and chase yourself with your own net. Put the words on the page.
Then, do additional passes. Tweak things. Do more research. Make it tight.
Your last round of edits should be done with your eyes squinted, with a cold wet blanket, draped over your head.
You should be an old crank who hates every writer who ever lived. Write for the most cynical reader in your audience.
If you can win the most cynical reader over, you can win most of them over.
You don’t have much time. Neither do I. So make it damn good. Make sure your reader comes away feeling like their time was well spent.
If they say, “Not bad.” You’re doing amazing.
My high school had two competing senior superlatives:
Talks Most, Says Least.
Talks Least, Says Most.
Which would you rather be? As a writer, the answer should be obvious.
If you’ve made it this far, you’ve proven your attention span is better than our fellow monkeys. And for that, I applaud you.